____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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