Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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