my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
