:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
