Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
