i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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