There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
