Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
