you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
