I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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