I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
