Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
