i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
