Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
