I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
