i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
