we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
