I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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