Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
