I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The air taste purple.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
