just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
