girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
