i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
