so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
