Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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