It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
