She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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