I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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