M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
