i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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