mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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