You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think people are normalizing furries
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize