thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
