6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
