he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
