Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
