direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
