did you get engaged???
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
