we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
