Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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