I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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