What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
