I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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