dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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