College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
