can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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