also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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