Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
