So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
how drunk are you?
Several
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
