my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
