it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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