she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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