Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
